VOW #1: I PROMISE GOD WILL BE MY FIRST PRIORITY AND MY SPOUSE WILL BE MY SECOND.
VOW #2: I PROMISE TO ALWAYS PURSUE MY TWO.
VOW #3: I PROMISE OUR MARRIAGE WILL BE ABOUT “WE” AND NOT “ME.”
VOW #4: I PROMISE TO CONFIDE IN YOU & NOT HIDE FROM YOU.
I. Building a marriage on the right foundation
A. When we build our marriage on a foundation of sin
Ephesians 5:3 - Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.
Nobody plans to destroy their marriage, damage their kids, and ruin the testimony of the gospel.
It happens though. It happens because we play around with things that infect us.
Sexual immorality, impurity and greed are what I categorize as a infection sin. If you don’t get it all it grows.
Ephesians 5:8-11 - For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So, live as people of light! 9 For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. 10 Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. 11 Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.
He says expose them. Don’t hide them.
Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy.
>>> To restate quickly sexual immorality, impurity and greed grow in you like a infection. They need to be exposed to the light and burned away. The problem we have with doing this. Stepping out of the darkness and into the light is SHAME!
II. The problem of Shame
Genesis 2:24-25 - This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. 25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.
A. So when God created man and women they were naked
They were exposed.
They were hiding nothing from each other and it was not only okay it was perfect.
B. When God created man and woman they felt no shame
shame: buwsh (boosh); to be ashamed; to feel completely worthless.
C. When sin entered the world suddenly there was shame.
Genesis 3:7-10 - 7 At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. 8 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. 9 Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” 10 He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”
What is the first thing you do when you sin is hide. We hide from each other. We end up hiding because we feel such a profound sense of shame.
When we hide and don’t expose the sin it begins to spread the infection.
Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy.
Shame is Satan's tool of connecting the act to the identity.
I can't let you know where I struggle because you won't love me. Shame is Satan's tool of connecting the act to the identity.
>>> Because of sin I have shame. Satan uses that shame to identify us. Remember this Satan knows your name but calls you by your sin. God knows your sin but calls you by name.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 - A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
Our cord has 4 braids.
#1: I promise God will be my 1st priority & my spouse will be my 2nd. If she is my priority and #2: I promise I will always pursue my two. I can’t let anything in me keep me from pursuing her because #3: I promise our marriage will be about “we” and not “me.” So #4: I PROMISE TO CONFIDE IN YOU & NOT HIDE FROM YOU.
III Confessing your shame.
A. Confiding your shame to your spouse.
Men and women in our culture are not used to dealing with stuff that challenges whether we measure up.
A good marriage is 2 people who can tell each other the truth.
B. How do I do that? Move the Line! Confess sooner.
Matthew 5:27-30 - “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
Long before you ever cross the adultery line, you cross all sorts of other sin lines on your way to just crossing one more.
Jesus said if you entertain the thought it is adultery in your heart what I want you to do is share that heart with your spouse. Expose it. Drag it into the light.
C. Getting intimate with your number one leads you to getting intimate with your number two.
When you press into God, when you know him, suddenly that was used to lure you starts to repulse you. Why? Because you're being conformed into the image of Christ.
We confess our sins to God and we confess our sins to people. We confess our sins to God for forgiveness. We confess our sins to people for healing
Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy and that's why in our marriage we are not going to have any secrets.
Proverbs 28:13 - Whoever conceals their sins doesn't prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.
D. HOW CAN WE STAY PURE? So that this kind of stuff stays minimum.
Psalm 119:9-11 - How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word. 10 I have tried hard to find you don’t let me wander from your commands. 11 I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
How do we live according to God's standard? How do we live a life of purity? We live according to God's word.
His word isn't something we just hear when we're at church. His word is living bread that we feed on every single day.
His word is living, is active, is sharper than any double-edged sword. His word transforms our hearts. It conforms our mind to the image of Christ.
Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Expose yourself to the light. Do it before you find yourself doing something you never thought you would. Remember, He is our one and we serve our two. God will always be my priority and my spouse will always be my second. Christ is pursuing us and we continue to pursue our spouse. We will work for the one that we already have. I promise to always pursue you. We didn't enter into some kind of a contract. This is a holy covenant before a Holy God. Our marriage will be about we and not about me. It's my honor to lay down my life to serve my bride with everything in me. I promise to confide in you, not to hide from you because whoever conceals sin doesn't prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces it, finds mercy and finds healing.
- How would you describe what shame and secrets do for relationships? How have you experienced this?
- Share how you’ve overcome a secret. How have you been shaped by this experience?
- Read Psalm 119:9-11. How do you stay pure? How does this affect who you hang out with, what you watch, and where you go?
- We talked about steering clear of the “sin line.” Where is this line for you? How do you stay away from it?