The Jealous Type | 1 SAMUEL 18:1-30

1 Samuel 18:1-30 - After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 2 From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt. 5 Whatever mission Saul sent him on, David was so successful that Saul gave him a high rank in the army. This pleased all the troops, and Saul’s officers as well. 6 When the men were returning home after David had killed the Philistine, the women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and with timbrels and lyres. 7 As they danced, they sang: “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” 8 Saul was very angry; this refrain displeased him greatly. “They have credited David with tens of thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?” 9 And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David. 10 The next day an evil (harmful) spirit from God came forcefully on Saul. He was prophesying in his house, while David was playing the lyre, as he usually did. Saul had a spear in his hand 11 and he hurled it, saying to himself, “I’ll pin David to the wall.” But David eluded him twice. 12 Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with David but had departed from Saul. 13 So he sent David away from him and gave him command over a thousand men, and David led the troops in their campaigns. 14 In everything he did he had great success, because the Lord was with him. 15 When Saul saw how successful he was, he was afraid of him. 16 But all Israel and Judah loved David, because he led them in their campaigns. 17 Saul said to David, “Here is my older daughter Merab. I will give her to you in marriage; only serve me bravely and fight the battles of the Lord.” For Saul said to himself, “I will not raise a hand against him. Let the Philistines do that!” 18 But David said to Saul, “Who am I, and what is my family or my clan in Israel, that I should become the king’s son-in-law?” 19 So when the time came for Merab, Saul’s daughter, to be given to David, she was given in marriage to Adriel of Meholah. 20 Now Saul’s daughter Michal was in love with David, and when they told Saul about it, he was pleased. 21 “I will give her to him,” he thought, “so that she may be a snare to him and so that the hand of the Philistines may be against him.” So Saul said to David, “Now you have a second opportunity to become my son-in-law.” 22 Then Saul ordered his attendants: “Speak to David privately and say, ‘Look, the king likes you, and his attendants all love you; now become his son-in-law.’” 23 They repeated these words to David. But David said, “Do you think it is a small matter to become the king’s son-in-law? I’m only a poor man and little known.” 24 When Saul’s servants told him what David had said, 25 Saul replied, “Say to David, ‘The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.’” Saul’s plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines. 26 When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, 27 David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage. 28 When Saul realized that the Lord was with David and that his daughter Michal loved David, 29 Saul became still more afraid of him, and he remained his enemy the rest of his days. 30 The Philistine commanders continued to go out to battle, and as often as they did, David met with more success than the rest of Saul’s officers, and his name became well known.

I. Jealousy, What is it?

A. What is it?

Bill said, 
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on
. -- William Shakespeare,  Othello 3rd act

Proverbs 27:4 - Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?

B. The Evil Twins: Jealousy and Envy

There is a distinction between jealousy and envy. To envy is to desire something which belongs to another person. 
Envy motivates us to try to achieve or out-perform our neighbor.

Ecclesiastes 4:4 - And I saw that all labor and all achievement spring from man's envy of his neighbor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. 

In contrast, jealousy is the fear that something which we possess will be taken away by another person.
This is why God is described as jealous. He does not want to lose our affection to His rival, Satan, or to any other thing.

Exodus 34:14 - You must worship no other gods, for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you.

>>> Jealousy is the green-eyed monster and it will destroy you!

ILLUSTRATION: Irish novelist and playwright Samuel Beckett received great recognition for his work--but not every one savored his accomplishments. Beckett’s marriage, in fact, was soured by his wife’s jealousy of his growing fame and success as a writer. One day in 1969 his wife Suzanne answered the telephone, listened for a moment, spoke briefly, and hung up. She then turned to Beckett and with a stricken look whispered, "What a catastrophe!" Was it a devastating personal tragedy? No, she had just learned that Beckett had been awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature! 

II. Jealousy, Where does it come from?

A. David was loved by everyone

Johnathon, Michal, The people ….
He loved Saul / Later we will see after many attempts on his life David refuses to hurt Saul.

>>> Everyone can see what a treasure David is to Isreal except Saul. Why can’t he ride on David’s coattails? 

B. I think we find a few clues back in previous chapters.

1 Samuel 9:21 - Saul answered, “But am I not a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel, and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin? Why do you say such a thing to me?”

The first thing Saul said when anointed King was I’m not good enough

1 Samuel 10:21 - Then he brought each family of the tribe of Benjamin before the Lord, and the family of the Matrites was chosen. And finally Saul son of Kish was chosen from among them. But when they looked for him, he had disappeared! 22 So they asked the Lord, “Where is he? And the Lord replied, “He is hiding among the baggage.”

Now, he is embarrassed by God’s call on his life.
If you would have asked him he probably would seem just self-effacing, but what he is hiding is a deep feeling of inferiority.

1 Samuel 15:16 - Then Samuel said to Saul, “Stop! Listen to what the Lord told me last night!” “What did he tell you?” Saul asked. 17 And Samuel told him, “Although you may think little of yourself, are you not the leader of the tribes of Israel? The Lord has anointed you king of Israel. 

The Lord even points out the flaw.
His anxiety about his worth became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

C. Jealousy is not a sign of love or commitment.

Psychology today Research has linked several traits to greater jealousy:

  • Low self-esteem
  • Feelings of insecurity
  • Dependence on your partner
  • Feelings of inadequacy in your relationship

>>> All of these factors that relate to jealousy are about the insecurities of the jealous person, not about the love or commitment they have for their partner.

III. All of us feel inadequacy in some area.

A. Jesus’ Kingdom is built on truth. Do you agree?

Do you know and understand how really beautiful and valuable you are to Jesus? 
The basis of our value and our beauty is really our uniqueness. We were "fearfully and wonderfully made" and never need to be Jealous of each other.

B. Is God always fair? Of course, He is. 

Why are we encouraged, yet also strangely discouraged, when we hear reports of a great revival in another church? 
Subconsciously, we believe that the blessing of others is a sign of God’s greater love for them. We are like Saul. We are failing to see the mercy and love of God in our own lives.

C. We all have areas of inferiority

We must let God fill those areas with his truth.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11 - But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. 10 So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

When low self-esteem and insecurity haunt us we need to remember whose we are.

D. Here are some signs of envy and jealousy to alert us so we can repent of these sins:

  1. Withdrawal and depression – “Life is unfair, I am not going to participate or try my best anymore.”
  2. Pessimistic attitude – Those who are Jealous and envious tend to be negative about most things, They find it easier to show sympathy and "weep with those who weep" than to exhibit joy and "rejoice with those who rejoice."
  3. Fault-finding – They invent reasons for their lack and others gain in order to justify the emptiness of their own heart and life.
  4. Self-pity – People who will tell you how miserable they are, tend to be full of envy. They look for happiness in getting the “next” thing they think will finally satisfy them. 
  5. Un-thankfulness – Even when they do get things, it is never good enough or sufficient
  6. Gossiping and back-biting. 

>>> Jealousy creates destructive behavior that destroys the relationship we are seeking to protect. It causes division in the Church, in families, and among people. Be careful not to fall into any trap of jealousy or you will lose your love of God and His perspective of the Truth.

Summary

Jealousy is the green-eyed monster. It lurks in all our insecurities. The only way to fight it back is to let Jesus be your security. In our weakness he is strong. Let him tell you who you are to Him today. To heal you of your insecurity.

I recognize that some of us here today have deep seeded self-worth difficulties. From physical or mental abuse growing up or from a relationship. It is time to talk to a professional Christian counselor to begin to exchange the lies for the truth.